Portrait of a Lady

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Mamma Mia! I got a hole in my pants!

Have any of you guys gone to watch Mamma Mia on the big screen? Gone by choice that is, not dragged there by wives, girlfriends or daughters. If you have not, then let me tell you that it is a very girly movie. It’s full of happy, chirpy, pretty people with fresh faces and a Hollywoodian zest for life. There is no cosmic drama, guns, blood, violence, death or comedy. The only sex there is consists of “dot dot dot”. Also there is a lot of singing. Not Idlewild type songs either, but Abba songs. Lots of Abba songs. All the time. If my paragraph hasn’t caused you to cringe once, then the movie is probably your type. Meryl Streep and the other two ladies make the movie bearable by the way, and you might let out a laugh or two.

Talking about cinemas and the Majestic City cinema in particular, have you noticed how people dress to come watch a movie? It’s the heights (well, maybe moderately high) of Colombo fashion. You have the plunging necklines, the short skirts, splashes of rouge, mascara, all-the-other-stuff-girls-put-on-their-faces, shiny bags, and the most international of international school accents. Whatever happened to t-shirts and bata slippers? It’s just a movie after all. But, to give them the benefit of the doubt, most of them are teenagers, and teenagers treat every outing like a trip to Milan.

I digress.

I was dragged to watch Mamma Mia by a bunch of ladies, and by the time I entered the cinema most of the seats were full and the lights were dimmed. Our seats were right at the end, and being the gentleman I am, I tread carefully past all those lady-toes so as not to damage all that sparkly nail polish. It was going fine until an odd sound disturbed the expectant hush inside the cinema. It went something like this:

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPP…..IIIPPPP…IIPP

But with more of an ominous undertone mind you. I wondered where on earth that sound was coming from and why people were turning towards me when i realised that my progress was impeded. I turned around to see that a sharp metal edge on the back of those chairs had a death grip on my trouser, and a part of my thigh (a fairly big part) was peeking out to see what all the fuss was about. A few embarrassing seconds later, I managed to tug my pants off the chair and hurry to my seat where I hunched down and tried to escape the craning necks and feminine giggles aimed at me.

A 2-inch long right-angled tear now exposing a good bit of hairy man-thigh, and the consequent loss of a nice trouser dampened my mood a bit, but it was dark so I survived the movie. I even managed to join in the fun when the audience started singing along. But it was walking around Majestic City with a Majestic hole in my pants that was the difficult part.

Why Sri Lanka Sucks Now.

It sucks to be Sri Lankan right now, and here’s why:

1. It is so hot now that your brain melts, and you feel like you are moving through sweat soup.

2. The government is so corrupt that you have a ‘Bribes’ column in your budget.

3. Politician play musical chairs across parties.

4. Terrorists can become MPs

5. You can hardly tell the difference from a terrorist attack and a government attack

6. A teacher can run away with a billion rupees.

7. Citizens pay taxes that go into killing other citizens.

8. The roads have more holes than Swiss Cheese.

9. The country is run by a monarchy that hides behind a democracy.

10. The national religion is headed by monks who advocate violence.

And did I say it was very hot? And that bombs going off no longer shakes us off our routine? And that idiots drive on roads infested with tri-shaws?

Sri Lanka has a lot of issues and it just keeps getting worse. I wonder how much longer we can hide in our little worlds before it all comes back and bites us in the bum.

Solar Day on October 17? What Rubbish..

Don’t you love these cyber-urban myths that float about in your inbox? You know, the ones with the huge dog, and the huge blond lady, and people eating babies etc etc.. Some really bored people with a lot of time on their hands spend a lot of effort coming up with these fables and then disseminating them. I wonder if it tickles their fancy having their own rubbish forwarded to them.

Recently I got an sms that  goes like this:

Coming October 17, the sun will rise continuously for 36hours (1.5 Days) In this time the US countries will be dark for 1.5 Days. It will convert 3 Days to 2 Big Days. It will happen once in 2400 years. We are very lucky to see it. Don’t miss it!

And coincidently, the calendar I looked at was misprinted and had only 30 days in October. (How’s that for luck) But, even with grade school science knowledge it’s obvious that such a thing is physically impossible, unless the earth starts spinning on its belly or stops spinning altogether (at which time the question of days and life in general would be moot.)

Also it is quite amusing to note the use of language in the forward; ‘US Countries’ for example, and the ‘Days’ becoming ‘Big Days’. It seems to have originated in South Asia judging by the language, and there seems to be a ton of effort behind this story. I googled the story and found lots of confused people (and employers) looking for answers. But, sadly for people looking for a holiday, this story has to be filed under teh Urban Legends section.

It’s not even a very amusing forward. At least the “Bigger is Better” myth has kept us all entertained for many years. Even the busting (pun intended) of the myth by Playboy bunnies is very… entertaining…