Swine Flu – The Beginning

Mamma Mia! I got a hole in my pants!

Have any of you guys gone to watch Mamma Mia on the big screen? Gone by choice that is, not dragged there by wives, girlfriends or daughters. If you have not, then let me tell you that it is a very girly movie. It’s full of happy, chirpy, pretty people with fresh faces and a Hollywoodian zest for life. There is no cosmic drama, guns, blood, violence, death or comedy. The only sex there is consists of “dot dot dot”. Also there is a lot of singing. Not Idlewild type songs either, but Abba songs. Lots of Abba songs. All the time. If my paragraph hasn’t caused you to cringe once, then the movie is probably your type. Meryl Streep and the other two ladies make the movie bearable by the way, and you might let out a laugh or two.

Talking about cinemas and the Majestic City cinema in particular, have you noticed how people dress to come watch a movie? It’s the heights (well, maybe moderately high) of Colombo fashion. You have the plunging necklines, the short skirts, splashes of rouge, mascara, all-the-other-stuff-girls-put-on-their-faces, shiny bags, and the most international of international school accents. Whatever happened to t-shirts and bata slippers? It’s just a movie after all. But, to give them the benefit of the doubt, most of them are teenagers, and teenagers treat every outing like a trip to Milan.

I digress.

I was dragged to watch Mamma Mia by a bunch of ladies, and by the time I entered the cinema most of the seats were full and the lights were dimmed. Our seats were right at the end, and being the gentleman I am, I tread carefully past all those lady-toes so as not to damage all that sparkly nail polish. It was going fine until an odd sound disturbed the expectant hush inside the cinema. It went something like this:

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPP…..IIIPPPP…IIPP

But with more of an ominous undertone mind you. I wondered where on earth that sound was coming from and why people were turning towards me when i realised that my progress was impeded. I turned around to see that a sharp metal edge on the back of those chairs had a death grip on my trouser, and a part of my thigh (a fairly big part) was peeking out to see what all the fuss was about. A few embarrassing seconds later, I managed to tug my pants off the chair and hurry to my seat where I hunched down and tried to escape the craning necks and feminine giggles aimed at me.

A 2-inch long right-angled tear now exposing a good bit of hairy man-thigh, and the consequent loss of a nice trouser dampened my mood a bit, but it was dark so I survived the movie. I even managed to join in the fun when the audience started singing along. But it was walking around Majestic City with a Majestic hole in my pants that was the difficult part.

Weekend Snippets

Have you ever had that kind of weekend where you are bored and stuck at home, where the only face you see is that of the take out guy, and all you have for company is the internet?

No?

You mean its just me? Damn..

Well when all else fails, there is always youtube.. I found this ventriloquist comedian called Jeff Dunham because of whom i nearly suffered a stroke cos I was laughing so hard. I don’t find comedians very funny, but this guy cracks me up. It’s all in the puppets! Here is Achmed the dead terrorist for you..

And then I happened across my new favourite band. They do Symphonic Metal, or Symphonic Rock if you want to nitpick.. Don’t you wonder why the leads are almost always women? Makes for wonderful sound though..

And then to start off another boring week in this awful humidity with crazed politicians, I read that Buddhist priests are performing funeral services for dogs.. It seems like they think animals are more in need of compassion than humans.

Distilled Boredom

Ever feel like the days run into each other like two runny-yoked fried eggs. Days feel just as yellow and just as sticky. You get tired of dealing with your superiors who you feel have dropped of an entirely different planet altogether; you get tired of dealing with your employees who feel that just cos you are nice to them, that you are stupid and can be taken for a ride; and you get tired of doing the same thing every day with nothing truly coming to fruition.

An accountant friend once told me a story about a business man who went to a village one day. He met a fisherman who was lounging on a chair drinking his tea and watching the sea. The businessman asked the fisherman what he does the whole day, and the fisherman replied that he went out on his boat midmorning, caught some fish for himself and some extra to sell, came back by mid-afternoon and cleaned up the fish and had the day to do what he wanted. The businessman was shocked. He said that the fisherman was wasting his life away. The fisherman asked him what he was doing wrong. The businessman answered saying that he should get up early morning, fish for as long as possible and sell off as much as he can. He should then save up the money for a bigger boat so he can catch more fish. After several years, he can get a second boat and hire more people and further increase his catch thus earning more and becoming rich. The fisherman asked the business man what he would do with all this extra money after so many years. Well, said the business man, then he could wake up late and not need to spend the whole day working, and could sit back with a cup of tea and watch the sea.

Life can end up being one long rat race where the track is a circle. Its best not to get caught up with running and aim instead for a goal. It also pays to get off the track sometimes and take a break.

Here are a few videos that always crack me up. One is a guy called Pablo Fransisco, a comedian who is good with voices and has no morals..

Another is one of my favourite groups (if you can call 2 a group) The Flight of the Conchords. Makes me think of business time differently.

Drink Dribble or Seal Dribble

And now good readers, we take a break from politics and head over to the sports section! We find that soccer superstar Ronaldinho is making headlines with his newest play, the Stay-Out-Late-and-Get-Drunk-Instead-of-Training! Sadly, staring at the bottom of his glass does not keep him at the top of his game.

In more sports news, Kerlon has been making waves with a seal. Or a ’seal dribble’ to be more precise. It has earned him a tremendous fan following, some fame, and several kicks. But seriously, traveling at that speed while bouncing the ball on his head takes some skill!