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Humour

 

The Pessimist: “What a load of shit on my lawn. I think I want to die.”

The Optimist: “What a lot of lovely manure. I think I will grow me some strawberries.”

Ultimately everything boils down to a matter of perspective. Life is never going to be easy, or to settle. I love that word: ‘settle’. We are always waiting for things to ‘settle’, for things to calm down. We strive for security, for safety. We want enough money, a big enough house, a car that befits our status. But no matter how much we have, we always want more. ‘Enough’ is like a mirage we see on a hot dry road. When we finally that spot we find that the mirage is just a short distance away. Just like that mythical ‘enough’ type creature. Things are never going to be perfect. It all boils down to Poop Vs. Manure.

But, if you are able to hack your sense of perspective, look at problems as opportunities, at troubles as simply bumps on a road that leads somewhere awesome, then you get a life full of strawberries. I am not saying it is easy to do, but it is worth it. Look back on your life; see how the shit in your life has made you stronger, more experienced, and hopefully a better more compassionate person. Look at the positive side of things. Do it for the world; do it for love; do it for the strawberries.

 

Ten points to consider in case you have trouble choosing where to cast your vote:

1. Check the number relatives he has, that’s the number of key posts that will no longer be available after the elections.

2. Does he have a tendency towards personal branding, attaching his name to policy or wearing certain pieces of distinctive clothing all the time?

3. The more nationalist the candidate’s speeches are the more power he will amass in the name of nationalism.

4. Check how many campaign promises he changes in a week.

5. Does he think that no minorities exist in Sri Lanka?

6. Does he suffer from a paranoia that the international community is out to get him?

7. Does he have tea parties with dictators?

8. Do journalists break out in a sweat when they hear his name?

9. Does he have any previous experience in politics?

10. Is his first solution to any issue military?

Yes, yes, I know. You are screwed no matter who wins.